3rd Trimester

I am exausted today. I got a little less then 8 hours of sleep and I drank 1 cup of coffee, and I am still barly able to keep my eyes open. Joshy is napping right now and so should I, but all I can think about is all the housework I NEED to do, and having no energy to do it. If I had the energy I would do my dishes, vaccum the house, mop the kitchen and dust. Flylady says you can do anything in 15 min at a time, but I am just too tired for 15 min. I did my yoga class yesterday and felt good, but today my upper back is hurting me, showing me that I am more out of shape this pregnancy then with Josh. I keep thinking that I need to pull our car seat for Sarah out so I can put it back together after washing it...but it is SO deep in the closet the thought of bending over that long makes me breathless. I need to ask Neal to do it, but he has been so busy and a bit stressed out with work that I don't want to bug him until after his work week, which is tomorrow. I know everything will come together, but I just look around and I still have a stack of boxes, a pile of pictures and a dirty house....and around 7 weeks to get everything done before the potential of Sarah's arrival. We have decided not to have a baby shower until after Sarah's birth but I keep thinking of the things I want to have before she is here so I can set things up (mostly a diaper stacker for her, since Josh is still using his) I keep looking for one for cheap but can't find one yet, only one for like $25 and we don't have that kind of extra money around.
One thing that is nice is Neal mowed and weed wacked the lawn yesterday and it looks really nice..we still need to plant seed since we have "bald spots" in our lawn from when our landlords fixed the sewer line and had construction workers here. Neal made us lunch the other day and had us have a little picnic on our front porch, and it was SO nice. we just sat and talked and watched the people walk by. I am really enjoying these little nooks of our place. Neal really misses his shed he built at our last place and says he doesn't feel like he has any area that is his...I really hope I can figure something out...but the thought of having a bow flex in our bedroom just doesn't sound enjoyable to me. Maybe my heart needs to change on this. Josh was into potty training for 3 days and now has very little interest...I figured that would happen but I was kind of hopeful to get him out of diapers before Sarah came...now I am just hopeful that we can get him to start going to sleep in his own bed...he is still good about sleeping in it when he is already asleep, but he can't fall asleep in his big boy bed yet. I know all of this will work out and I keep reminding myself I shouldn't worry about the things I can't control. I hope I can just start relaxing more until Sarah is here.

Death

I am not sure why, but God has been touching my heart about death. It started a few days ago when I had a dream that Josh was hit by a car and died, that next night we watched a movie that had an almost identical scene as my dream that showed a little boy who was ran over and died. Today, we just heard that a brother in Christ, that I didn't know well but am friends with the family, was crossing the street in Eureka and was hit by a car and has now gone to be with the Lord. It is so odd that very similar circumstances have been in my mind for the past 3 days in a row. It is odd, and I am not sure why God is in a way possibly preparing me for tragedy, or maybe just showing me death, and trying to get my attention not about death as the world sees it, as loss, but as He sees it as completion, that He is reuniting with the children He loves. Because of me being pregnant, and the complications that could arise from my high risk birth, I often find myself considering my own death if God wills, or the death of my daughter. I am not sure what to make of it all, since I believe these thoughts are from God since they produce no fear in me, but joy in the midst of sorrow if you can understand that. anyways that's what I have been thinking of lately.