Thursday, April 16, 2009

Death

I am not sure why, but God has been touching my heart about death. It started a few days ago when I had a dream that Josh was hit by a car and died, that next night we watched a movie that had an almost identical scene as my dream that showed a little boy who was ran over and died. Today, we just heard that a brother in Christ, that I didn't know well but am friends with the family, was crossing the street in Eureka and was hit by a car and has now gone to be with the Lord. It is so odd that very similar circumstances have been in my mind for the past 3 days in a row. It is odd, and I am not sure why God is in a way possibly preparing me for tragedy, or maybe just showing me death, and trying to get my attention not about death as the world sees it, as loss, but as He sees it as completion, that He is reuniting with the children He loves. Because of me being pregnant, and the complications that could arise from my high risk birth, I often find myself considering my own death if God wills, or the death of my daughter. I am not sure what to make of it all, since I believe these thoughts are from God since they produce no fear in me, but joy in the midst of sorrow if you can understand that. anyways that's what I have been thinking of lately.
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1 comment:

  1. Tracy RamosApril 17, 2009 at 10:20 AM

    Wow becky.
    That is a very strange situation. Its awesome, though, that you're asking yourself what it could mean, instead of just letting the "occurances" pass by without much thought. The weekend after my grandma died, I had a dream that she and I were walking in the mall, and that she looked really good. Not sick, but healthy and young... maybe in her early 60's. She was wearing her read and plaid sweatshirt and was vibrant. I really felt relieved from this dream because I knew that she was with the Lord and that she wasn't sick or hurting anymore. She wasn't suffocating. A few days later I was in the kitchen with my mom and I told her about the dream. She said, "yes, go on" and stood in amazement. Evidently she had a dream that night that she too had seen her mom at the mall, and remembered noticing all the same things that I did. She then shared with me that my dad too had a mall dream. The interesting thing though, is that the dreams, put together, seemed to be a chronological story. First my dad's, then mine, then my mom's. It told a story. Although we never understood the meaning of the story or why we had them, we were all relieved that we could remember Mamaw healthy and vibrant and active. She didn't have a wheelchair or oxygen.
    Needlesstosay, I don't know why you've been reminded of death so much, but when dreams and instances happen again and again I DO believe there is something to be learned from them. Thats good that you've been able to discern if it is something to forget, or something to remember and learn from.
    :)
    love you girl~
    ~Trace
    Ps
    I had a terrifying dream I'll write about on my blog too.

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My life now....

My life has not always been God glorifying. God has had a hand in my life when I was still a sinner and picked me up, thankfully before I had to hit rock bottom. I truly believe if God had not saved me, I probably would be dead. I was headed down a life of drugs and promiscuity and it is only by Gods grace that I did not contract an STD, die by my stupid behavior that got me into potentially bad situations or became hooked on somthing terrible. I remember when I was in high school, and trying to figure out this whole God, religion thing...that I prayed God would give me a God-fearing husband. I am not sure why I was compelled to pray that but I did, and God delivered me a wonderful God-fearing husband that became an instrument God used to pull me out of the darkness I was in. So here I am now, I wife, a mother, and a woman who loves God with every fiber of her being. Wiser now from the life I had lived...with a strange ability to talk openly about my previous life without feeling humiliated by it, but instead hoping and wishing that maybe by sharing my history I might be able to help another person from making similar mistakes.