Monday, May 30, 2011

a return

I have not blogged in a long time. Life has changed, I had another little baby who is such a blessing to me. I always wanted a family, a large family. I have 3 kids 4 and under and in some ways I wish we would have more but we are not. Pregnancy is so difficult on my 4'11 frame. I have to have c sections ( I have tried for VBACS but was unsuccessful) The 3rd trimester I developed preeclampsia with each baby. It is just very difficult. God has given me a beautiful family which I am beyond grateful for. There was a time when we were trying to conceive my oldest that we thought we would never have kids. We had got to the point of talking adoption. Sometimes I still think I might want to adopt. I feel and hope that if someone ever wanted to give me their baby that my husband would be on board with me to do so.

I feel like I might ramble a bit here.....

I was reading James today. I don't know if I ever have really looked closely to james before. It is such a beautiful book and is rich in practical.. He instructs us to be not just hearers of the Word but doers. He teaches us that it is not about faith, or about actions, but it is about faith that leads to actions. To be slow to speak and anger but to be faithful people to those around us in need. To not just pray for others needs but to meet others needs. I am guilty that I am too lazy to get involved in other people's lives. Not because I don't want to but because I am overwhelmed with anything outside of my day to day. I really need to get out there and get my hands diry. I need to step outside of myself and focus on the eternal. I so despratly want Christ's focus and for others to see HIM instead of me. I need to start with my actions. This is so difficult for me to even write, simply because I feel like I am so busy with husband, kids, work, house, cleaning, dog, ect. But I do need HIS focus, to do HIS work and be HIS feet and hands. I want my life to be a reflection of Him and James is a place of practical ways.

James 1:22 ESV - YouVersion.com





~Becky~
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My life now....

My life has not always been God glorifying. God has had a hand in my life when I was still a sinner and picked me up, thankfully before I had to hit rock bottom. I truly believe if God had not saved me, I probably would be dead. I was headed down a life of drugs and promiscuity and it is only by Gods grace that I did not contract an STD, die by my stupid behavior that got me into potentially bad situations or became hooked on somthing terrible. I remember when I was in high school, and trying to figure out this whole God, religion thing...that I prayed God would give me a God-fearing husband. I am not sure why I was compelled to pray that but I did, and God delivered me a wonderful God-fearing husband that became an instrument God used to pull me out of the darkness I was in. So here I am now, I wife, a mother, and a woman who loves God with every fiber of her being. Wiser now from the life I had lived...with a strange ability to talk openly about my previous life without feeling humiliated by it, but instead hoping and wishing that maybe by sharing my history I might be able to help another person from making similar mistakes.