a return

I have not blogged in a long time. Life has changed, I had another little baby who is such a blessing to me. I always wanted a family, a large family. I have 3 kids 4 and under and in some ways I wish we would have more but we are not. Pregnancy is so difficult on my 4'11 frame. I have to have c sections ( I have tried for VBACS but was unsuccessful) The 3rd trimester I developed preeclampsia with each baby. It is just very difficult. God has given me a beautiful family which I am beyond grateful for. There was a time when we were trying to conceive my oldest that we thought we would never have kids. We had got to the point of talking adoption. Sometimes I still think I might want to adopt. I feel and hope that if someone ever wanted to give me their baby that my husband would be on board with me to do so.

I feel like I might ramble a bit here.....

I was reading James today. I don't know if I ever have really looked closely to james before. It is such a beautiful book and is rich in practical.. He instructs us to be not just hearers of the Word but doers. He teaches us that it is not about faith, or about actions, but it is about faith that leads to actions. To be slow to speak and anger but to be faithful people to those around us in need. To not just pray for others needs but to meet others needs. I am guilty that I am too lazy to get involved in other people's lives. Not because I don't want to but because I am overwhelmed with anything outside of my day to day. I really need to get out there and get my hands diry. I need to step outside of myself and focus on the eternal. I so despratly want Christ's focus and for others to see HIM instead of me. I need to start with my actions. This is so difficult for me to even write, simply because I feel like I am so busy with husband, kids, work, house, cleaning, dog, ect. But I do need HIS focus, to do HIS work and be HIS feet and hands. I want my life to be a reflection of Him and James is a place of practical ways.

James 1:22 ESV - YouVersion.com





~Becky~

Today I made Easter eggs with Josh. It was a beautiful and fun time. I remember my dad and I coloring our eggs when I was a child and it being a special time. I love Easter but not for the eggs or spring but for the hope it brings. Easter is such a beautiful time to reflect on Christ and his death on the cross. The love God poured out on His people is unimaginable. The thought of sacrificing your child for others is something as a mom, would be too painful to fathom. Jesus's death has produced such freedom in my life.
~Becky~

Change me

If Christ is in the center of my life then everything else should fall into place. ALL my actions and thoughts would be a reflection of Him. I feel like I am so far away from that right now. I feel like I seek the world SO much more than seek Him. I have been reading my Bible regularly, "seeking" Him, but I am coming to see that my life isn't reflecting my love and devotion to Christ. Where am I at? Am I in such a place that sin and the lusts of this world are still my first priority? Do I love the world so much that I am, somewhere in my being, unwilling to put it to death. My only wish in life is that my life would reflect God's love. That people would look at me and my life and see Christ so evident that they would not even see me. That my love for all people would be more than myself. How do I get to that point? Is it reading my Bible or praying so many times a day? If I was really there wouldn't it just pour out of me like an unstoppable river? Why am I not there? My heart so desperately wants to be a woman who is only about God. Why do I have so many reservations that I fear man above God? How do I get there? God change me! Change my heart Oh God! Let me look more like you and less of me. Take this flesh from me and give me your spirit God. I cry to you that won't leave me like this that you will keep changing me into your bond servant.

~Becky~

unbelief

Unbelief is like an elephant in the room. Everyone knows that they struggle with it, but they don't want to admit it is there. I am one to confess here and now that I STRUGGLE with unbelief. I have been a Christian for many years and I still question the supremacy of God. I have seen MIGHTY works of God and yet I still don't believe Him. I have heard God speak in my life and yet I find myself not listening because I think it's not really Him. Often times when we look at Thomas in the Bible (often referred to as "doubting Thomas" we scream at him, Jesus is RIGHT there speaking to you, and yet you have the audacity to ask Jesus to put your hand in His side and THEN you will believe. When I read that I even question Thomas's faith. However, if I examine my own life I am just like Thomas. I often ask for God to show me that that is what He wants me to do, even though I know it is. I ask over and over to put my hands where the nails were.
My worry is where my unbelief really comes out. How many times do I worry over things that I have no control over? If I truly believe God controlled all and did all things accourding to His purpous then I should NEVER worry. I should always trust that everything is in God's hands and that no amount of me pondering, mulling, and worring could ever help the situation becuase the situation is already delt with, God already had the outcome worked out for my good. No matter if it looked good or not from the outside. If I love God everything including the death of a child or husband, cars being broken, or food being scarse would not be something to worry or fret over because the outcome would be LOVE from God. We may not understant how the death of a child could be love, but that isn't for us to determine...God says it is love because he only gives us love to those who love Him. If only we could keep a hevenly focus instead of an Earthly. I think our ideas of love, suffering, trust, stress would look much more different than what it so often looks like while we are in the midst of it. We all need that focus to keep us on the straight and narrow. I crave for that focus but always end up short in the midst of trials. This is definatly a work in progress. I can't wait for his Work to be done and when I am made perfect in His glory.

~Becky~

Sing Hosanna

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart from what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdoms cause
As I go from nothing to
Eternity
Hosanna by Hillsong


~Becky~

David

It is amazing to me that even though King Saul pursued David and tried to kill him many times that when King Saul died David mourned his death. How many of us could say that we would mourn the death of our enemy? It is definitely not a human trait but only something that could be of God.

~Becky~

The Glory of God

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger." Luke 8-12

I sit here at 9am waiting for the kids to wake up and I am just so blessed with this time to think about Christ. What was Mary thinking when she held that miracle of a baby in her arms, not knowing what would be the outcome of His death on a cross. How for thousands of years His name would still be called upon and praised. How He would be the soul source of comfort and peace to men. I often think of Mary and how much God must have valued her as a wife and mother to in trust her to HIS SON! She must have been about so much more than PTA meetings and soccer games.
So much gets lost during this hectic time. But CHRIST is why we even have a Christmas. Our family at this time has decided no to do Santa but to keep our focus on Christ. His Birth and Death. He really is the reason for the season and so often with the shopping and giving and cooking He is lost and the world exalted. I pray that my family could be a light in this time that we would remind people of why we give gifts and why during a time that could make people sad and depressed that we have HOPE! That Christ came as a little child by a holy birth, served the people and TRULY loved them, and then gave His life in a horrific death so all people might come to call him "papa daddy" "Abba father" to know Him personally and cry out to Him. My Christmas wish is that anyone reading this might know that. That my family and friends would know that. That the world would know that. Our God is more than a god at a computer zapping people but an ALMIGHT ALL POWERFUL AND ALL LOVING Father who is a father that would do anything for His children....even send His own son to the cross so that His other adopted children would be able to know Him and Love Him and choose to be with Him forever.

Merry CHRISTmas everyone!


~Becky~